Recovering a Sense of Possibility
"Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed, and unaggressive." Leslie M. McIntyre
Ain't it the truth? I've been working through the Artist's Way and this week uncovered a lot of rage. I feel like there is a lot of possibility out there in the world, just waiting for me. But I am so busy being responsible, taking care of everyone, being a good mother . . . there is nothing left for me. Nothing left of me. That isn't exactly true, I have tried to resurrect "me" in the past few years. A lot of that is because my best friend, Terri, died and it kicked me in the butt. I suddenly realized that tomorrow isn't a for sure. It's a possibility. So, I got my laptop and started writing. Occasionally. And I started doing lunch with my friends, and making an effort to nourish friendships. But those were baby steps. And I don't keep with it. I just do a little bit here and there. I feel guilty when I do.
My anger and frustration is starting to bubble to the surface. My husband plays pool every week. I enjoy that night alone with our daughter, but I am also incredibly resentful that he takes that time for himself. He shoots a couple of weekends a month, and I sit home angry that I am the responsible one at home doing laundry and cleaning house. I hate myself for being resentful and angry. I am going through the motions of being "good." I am going to make an effort to be more true to myself. I will allow myself at least a few hours this week to be alone.
So, my friends, you may wonder what this means to you. It means that it is time for you to do some thinking about yourself. Are you being self-destructive? Are you caught in "the Virtue Trap"? Are you allowing yourself time to be true to you?
Later,
Elle
Ain't it the truth? I've been working through the Artist's Way and this week uncovered a lot of rage. I feel like there is a lot of possibility out there in the world, just waiting for me. But I am so busy being responsible, taking care of everyone, being a good mother . . . there is nothing left for me. Nothing left of me. That isn't exactly true, I have tried to resurrect "me" in the past few years. A lot of that is because my best friend, Terri, died and it kicked me in the butt. I suddenly realized that tomorrow isn't a for sure. It's a possibility. So, I got my laptop and started writing. Occasionally. And I started doing lunch with my friends, and making an effort to nourish friendships. But those were baby steps. And I don't keep with it. I just do a little bit here and there. I feel guilty when I do.
My anger and frustration is starting to bubble to the surface. My husband plays pool every week. I enjoy that night alone with our daughter, but I am also incredibly resentful that he takes that time for himself. He shoots a couple of weekends a month, and I sit home angry that I am the responsible one at home doing laundry and cleaning house. I hate myself for being resentful and angry. I am going through the motions of being "good." I am going to make an effort to be more true to myself. I will allow myself at least a few hours this week to be alone.
So, my friends, you may wonder what this means to you. It means that it is time for you to do some thinking about yourself. Are you being self-destructive? Are you caught in "the Virtue Trap"? Are you allowing yourself time to be true to you?
Later,
Elle
I just came across this in a search for something else and I just wanted to say -"AMEN SISTER!" We must find time for ourselves and do things that bring us happiness. We must do the things that make us who we want to be. We should not lose ourselves in the day to day responsibilites.
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Oh, Toni, you are so right. We cannot allow ourselves to be lost. I'm getting better about it, but I still deal w/ the guilt when I do things for myself. It feels so gosh darned selfish!
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