It always amazes me how wonderful I feel when I open up and
reconnect with someone.
Over the weekend, I met an old friend for coffee. She and I
were best friends in elementary school (we’re now preparing for our 20 year
high school reunion) and many of my fondest memories of childhood revolve
around her. We both loved Benji, Donnie & Marie, and had a fascination with
hypnosis. We had secret boxes under our beds where we kept things like the
little “hypnotist” disk, and our diaries. We only lived a short distance away
from each other, and we were fortunate enough to grow up in a small town where
freedom comes much more easily than it would have if we had been in a large
city or separated by miles in the country. I was allowed to ride my bike to her
house, and I felt so big doing so. We talked, laughed, and wrote to Donnie
& Marie asking them for locks of their hair (never did get that hair . . .
), and in doing so, cemented a friendship that has lasted through decades. We
had a falling out in 4th grade or so, though for the life of me I
don’t recall why. I do recall that we didn’t speak for a long time, and that
just about killed me. One day (who knows, maybe 5th grade?) we
walked home together. I must have been a total jerk. I was always nervous
around friends, didn’t really have good social skills, and was very insecure (I
used to have nightmares that the other kids were calling me a “grub”). Anyway,
we parted ways that day and she yelled “You’re a super-ass!” (which was quite
an impressive insult for a 5th grader). It hurt, but it also made me
stop and think back to how I had treated her that day, and how I treated
others. It was an eye-opening moment for me, and helped me be more aware of how
I treated those I called friends.
She and I remained friends throughout school, though we were
never best friends again. I ran into her a few years back when she happened to
be a client of the firm I worked for. It was wonderful to see her again, and
since I left that firm, I have often thought that I should try to look her up.
My recent publicity led her to me – she bought my book, read it and emailed me,
which was like a breath of fresh air. The older I get, the more important my
friends are to me, and there is something special about those who have known
you a long time, in good times and bad, and who still want to meet you for
coffee at the local Barnes & Noble.By the way, it was a very nice bonus to reconnecting to
discover that she is a writer, too. And she has offered to critique my work,
which would be a huge help. Perhaps I can talk her into going to a future
writer’s conference with me . . .
And, dear reader, what does this mean for you? This means
that I challenge you to refill the well this week by reconnecting with someone
who knew you “back when”. Write a letter, make a phone call, make a connection,
and enjoy your walk down memory lane. If you feel like sharing, write and let
me know how it went.
Happy writing,
Elle
I feel terrible! I don't even recall the "split" or the "superass" comment. I am truly sorry for everything I did back then!!! I do remember having lots of fun, the secret boxes, Donnie & Marie, & the hypnosis. I can honestly say what probably happened was more me than you. Around fourth & fifth grade was a really tough time with my mom and no one new anything about it, not even my sisters, brother, or dad. I was having a horrible time and I acted terrible not only to you, but others as well. (I am not trying to making excuses 'cause obviously I was a real "superass". As I read your blog I was excited to know I was "in it", and then my stomach turned as I read on. What a relief for forgiving people. Reading this really made me look hard at where I was and who I have become. Lots & lots of mistakes, lots of good times, some really, super, low times and I can honestly say I am glad to be where I am now. Happy with my family and life. Content like I never thought I could, would, or should be. What a journey life is. Everything comes full circle. One of the "top ten" highlights of my year has been reconnecting with you. We connected at the firm (which I was so relieved to know you worked there during those trying times dealing with my mother's stuff. It was a great comfort to know I had you there) It crossed my mind then that I had not been as good of a friend to you as I should have over the years, but I forgot it all when you talked to me with kindness and sincerity, and put me at ease.
I let my 16 yr old read your blog so maybe he would think twice before he made someone feel low to try to raise himself up. Plus, it let him know that even his "perfect mom" (HA!!!!!) makes mistakes.
Anyway, I was so excited for you winning that contest and coming up with the courage to publish and everything that goes with it. You are an inspiration! I completely agree that reconnecting was awesome. I could have picked you out of a thousand people just by hearing your voice. You still have the same laugh, smile and gentleness as you did 20 years ago. You have had some tough times in the past, but those bumps make you who you are and even more compassionate and understanding of people who have gone through tough times too. Congrats on your success and look forward to seeing you again soon!
Look, you made me write!!! Good job! I haven't done this for awhile. Thanks!
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Lori,
I love this post. I think we've all experienced a similar situation at one time or another - what a blessing to have the opportunity to finally reconnect and lay it all to rest.
I don't want to use your site to plug Among Friends, but I hope women understand that this is the essence around which I've created my business. The products are a means to an end - a way to motivate women to take notice of just how important our relationships are in life.
I'm so glad to have a caring, thoughtful, and insightful friend like you in my life! And, if I'm ever a "superass," I hope you'll call me on it!
Keep on writing!
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